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who's trying to buy me a freakin sweet patagonia hoodie as a going away present?? ( or for christmas.. or for a combined christmas/birthday present haha ) I love everyone!!
I don't want this anymore, now I just want a helmet so I can be safe.
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| I think the biggest thing that gets in the way for me, with people in general is that I genuinely want every single person I care about to succeed and be happy. For me, the only way I can be happy is if I am continually trying to accomplish my goals and my own dreams, so I assume that if every person I care about is trying to accomplish their personal goals and dreams, they too can be happy. So when people I love and care about, are not trying to accomplish things that would make them happy I get really frustrated, like really frustrated. Mostly because I don't understand what the hold up is. If you were born and for as long as you can remember you loved to sing and nothing made you happier than singing, then when you began to live your life, the obvious solution seems like you should probably try to become the best singer you could be, like try getting into a school that would push you down the right path, so you could ultimately find a career that involved the thing you loved most.
Like I said though, it gets in the way, mostly because I get really frustrated with them because I don't understand why it's so hard to just do what you want to do, especially if it's obvious. I think though, that no matter how much I want the best for people, it doesn't really matter. Because me wanting the best for them doesn't matter to them, because regardless of how close or not close I am with these people, they will still do what they want to do and I have no control over the choices they make. So the easiest solution is to just not worry about them anymore, and just hope that eventually they figure out what it is in life that makes them happy. So I am not going to be mad anymore when I see someone who is so talented and so great and so capable of being successful doing nothing at all because even if I said something, it wouldn't matter. So, I am going to stop, especially because me being annoyed about it doesn't really accomplish anything at all.
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| Johnathan's birthday in less than a month, which is insane because that means we have almost been together for a year. It really hasn't felt like a year at all, crazier enough, I will be 21 shortly as well. bizarre. Visiting Portland next week, and we are leaving on Sunday, and getting back on Friday. I'm beyond excited to visit the new home. Johnathan is beyond excited, we are starting new lives together, it's so cheesy I could throw up, but I'm really excited for it. We are going to have so much fun together in the next coming years. I'm really stoked about getting to have both things I love in my life. Johnathan and art school and well having access to art in general should be a blast. Plus, new apartment and Moose. Portland has so many parks, Moose is going to love it there.
st. Patrick's day party tonight. :)
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| I'm pretty much happy everyday, for every reason that exists, but it's so strange to feel sad, I can't just tell myself to shut up or think of some positive way to make it better. This isn't really a problem you can fix, I suppose I just sit, and live life and feel sad, and eventually the sad will go away. life is odd.
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| passport! 4-6 weeks. world travels soon, very soon.
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